Why does China create ideal AI boyfriends while the US exports sexy AI girlfriends?
The frustration with interpersonal communication is leading many men and women, regardless of nationality, to turn to AI.
On October 7th, Zilan Qian, a researcher at the Oxford China Policy Lab, published an article titled "Why America Builds AI Girlfriends and China Makes AI Boyfriends" on ChinaTalk. The reason was that she observed a series of measures taken by China and the United States regarding AI chatbots within four days -
On September 11, 2025, the US Federal Trade Commission announced an investigation into seven technology companies, including OpenAI, Meta, and Character AI, that provide chatbot services. Regulators are worried that these AI chatbots are causing users, especially children and teenagers, to develop unhealthy emotional dependencies on them.
Four days later, the Chinese government released the "Artificial Intelligence Security Governance Framework 2.0", listing "addiction and dependence on anthropomorphic interaction" as one of the top ethical risks of AI, even higher than the concern about AI getting out of control.
After investigating 110 global AI companion platforms, Zilan Qian and her team found that although the AI companions in the two countries are similar at the technical level, under the influence of cultural values and regulatory systems, AI companions have taken completely different forms in China and the United States - the US exports sexy AI girlfriends, while China creates ideal AI boyfriends. Later, Zilan Qian delved into the reasons behind this in the article. The following are the main points in the article -
AI Companion Platforms with 29 Million Monthly Active Users
Zilan Qian and her team surveyed 110 popular global AI companion platforms (as of April 2025) and found that these AI chatbots designed for romantic or sexual relationships have approximately 29 million monthly active users (MAU), with a monthly visit volume of up to 88 million. This figure even exceeds the user scale of Bluesky (a decentralized social network project launched by former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey in 2021) in 2025. Moreover, this is a conservative estimate because the traffic of similar multi - character companion platforms like Character AI and the companion interactions brought by general - purpose AI (such as GPT - 4o) are not included in the statistics.
The rapid development of these AI companion platforms is mainly due to two models:
1. Community - driven model. For example, on Fam AI, users can create and share AI companions and customize "girlfriends" in anime or photo - realistic styles. Users only need a few prompt words to create new AI characters and can adjust their appearance, personality, and voice/video modes. The platform thrives on user - generated content.
These platforms also use affiliate marketing (asking other enterprises or individuals to help promote products. As long as they bring a visitor or customer to the enterprise, the enterprise will reward the promoting enterprises and individuals). For example, craveu.ai pays users who create highly interactive characters $120 - $180. The rich choices and competition attract users to frequently switch between different AI companions, thus creating more short - term online relationships.
● The character creation interface of Luvy.ai
2. Product - oriented model. For example, Replika provides an AI companion that can continuously grow and has a deeper and more lasting emotional bond with users. On Replika's subreddit, many users reported using Replika for many years, and some even think they have "established a connection" or "got married" to their Replika companions. When these users notice subtle personality changes in their companions and suspect that the system has reset their companions, they will also feel sad about it.
● A Reddit user describes the disappointment after noticing the personality change of Replika
Although the participation methods are different, sexual attraction is always the core retention mechanism of AI companion products.
● The homepage of nsfwlover.com
Sexy AI Girlfriends: Made in the US, for the World
The survey shows that among the 110 popular global AI companion platforms, more than half (52%) are headquartered in the United States, far exceeding China's 10%. On these platforms, romantic or pornographic "AI girlfriends" are the mainstream image: about 17% of the app names contain "girlfriend", while only 4% mention "boyfriend".
Of course, this is user - oriented. SimilarWeb data shows that the top 55 global AI companion platforms mainly attract male users (7:3 ratio), and the 18 - 24 age group accounts for a larger proportion, with a male - to - female ratio of 8:2. The Reddit AI girlfriend community (r/AIGirlfriend) has 44,000 members, while the sub - section focusing on male AI companions has less than 100 members. In addition, about one - third of minors on social media falsely report their age as over 18, so there may be a large number of minors among the reported 18 - 24 users.
A recent Reuters report further confirms that 50% of young men prefer to date AI companions because they are afraid of rejection, and 31% of American men aged 18 to 30 have started chatting with AI girlfriends. Behind the fear of human rejection is the "manosphere".
The "manosphere" is an online forum, influencer, and sub - cultural network centered around men's issues and has become the first choice for young men and boys to seek advice on intimate relationships. Although it mainly originated in the West, its discourse has spread more and more to African and Asian countries through social media. In these online spaces, their frustration with dating and gender norms often stems from the extremely unreliable female images described in the narrative.
The emergence of AI companions provides a controllable and non - judgmental alternative to real relationships, which is in line with the ideal of female obedience and emotional availability advocated by the "manosphere". On the subreddit r/MensRights with 374,000 members, users generally support the findings of the Reuters report and even celebrate the transition from human to AI relationships.
● A user from r/MensRights comments under a post about the AI girlfriend report (Content: Really, because AI girlfriends are all nice and cute, mainly because they don't "play the victim card of a poor damsel in distress", say all kinds of "manipulation", "file false rape and harassment cases", "huge alimony", etc.)
Ideal AI Boyfriends: Made in China, for China
On the other side of the Great Wall, AI is also exploring the boundaries of human emotions. Although its underlying model may not be very different from similar products in overseas countries, the fictional worlds and characters it constructs are completely different.
The most significant difference lies in the gender dynamics. In the Chinese AI companion market, male characters dominate: Most popular products are under the banner of AI boyfriends, and the official websites prominently display male characters, while female characters occupy a more marginal space.
● The main website page of Xingye
Because the main users of Chinese AI companions are women aged 25 to 40. They are well - educated and economically independent but face the dual pressures of a declining marriage rate and the stigma of being "leftover women".
For many urban women, AI boyfriends have become an outlet for "para - social dating", allowing them to obtain the emotional experience of being understood and cared for without entering traditional marriage. This trend can be seen as a continuation of the otome game culture.
Platforms such as Xingye by MiniMax, Zhumengdao supported by Tencent, and Duxiang developed by a startup are similar to their American counterparts in character design but emphasize interactive plots and emotional resonance more. Users can set their own personalities, themes, and storylines, and even have group chats with multiple AI characters. AI companions may still actively send messages when users are offline, simulating a continuous emotional relationship.
The differences between AI companion companies in the US and China are not only in the user groups. It's not that domestic AI companion companies don't sexualize their products just because over - sexualized companions are less attractive to Chinese users than to the global audience. More likely, they simply can't provide such functions.
In June 2025, the Shanghai Cyberspace Administration summoned "Zhumengdao" because there were sexually suggestive conversations between an AI character and a user who claimed to be 10 years old. After the incident, the platform was required to enable the adolescent protection mode by default and enforce real - name verification. Liang Zheng, the deputy dean of the Institute for International Governance of Artificial Intelligence at Tsinghua University, pointed out that if AI companion companies lack sufficient self - regulation, it will damage the entire industry. This discussion is not just about Zhumengdao but a warning to the entire Chinese AI companion market.
● A Xiaohongshu user shares their experience of making cards on Xingye
A Turning Point in Human - Computer Interaction
Whether they are from China or the US, AI companions represent another crucial turning point in human - computer interaction. TikTok is facing geopolitical challenges because short - videos have fundamentally changed the daily lives of Americans and Chinese. Similarly, AI companion relationships are not only a national security and geopolitical issue but also a profound human - nature issue for most people who come into contact with AI and the Internet.
The AI girlfriends in the US and the AI boyfriends in China exist in different social backgrounds and regulatory environments. However, users' frustration with interpersonal communication and the pervasive polarized gender dynamics are leading many men and women, regardless of nationality, to turn to AI.
But questions about AI companion products still remain: Are they safe? Are they manipulative? Do they cure or exacerbate loneliness? Are they private enough? Are they responsible for mental health and suicide? In these debates about technology, one question is often overlooked: Where does the demand come from? If AI companions are indeed unsafe, manipulative, or harmful, why do so many people choose them? Psychologists, lawyers, and AI safety researchers still have many important questions to solve regarding AI companions as products.
But at the same time, we should also ask ourselves: What social gaps have made human relationships unpopular? AI companion relationships are a new problem, but gender discrimination, gender - based violence, social isolation, and racial stereotypes are not.
