The "living star" Kenji Wu has ended up living like a "penniless Wu".

The transformation of 46-year-old Kenji Wu began with the passing of his mother.

In 2018, his mother, who was suffering from cancer, suddenly took a turn for the worse. By the time he rushed to the hospital, his mother had lost consciousness. He missed seeing his mother for the last time by just half an hour. That became his greatest regret ever since - he never knew what his mother wanted to say to him at the end.

He was trapped in that missed half an hour for several years and couldn't move on.

How to face regret, how to view death, and how to learn to say goodbye... In a short period, Kenji Wu's life was filled with many confusions.

In the year his mother passed away, Kenji Wu's career also hit rock bottom. His debut film as a director, Writing Poems for You, was released the same year, but it was a total flop at the box office and received poor reviews. He wrote on social media: "I lost this battle completely. A five-year dream made me lose everything."

Kenji Wu's life seemed to start over from scratch at the age of 39. His agent, Guo Pei, got to know Kenji Wu that year. Guo Pei remembered that during those years, no matter what mistakes she made, Kenji Wu always just smiled. Sometimes, she felt that this artist was so emotionally stable that he didn't seem like a real person.

Later, she realized that Kenji Wu, who was at the lowest point of his life, was completely numb.

After his mother's passing, he embarked on a long journey of farewell. Saying goodbye to the pain and regret after losing a loved one, as well as the self who used to live up to others' expectations.

He said that before the age of 40, he was like a Western cowboy chasing a tornado, pursuing the frameworks and goals that the world had set for him, creating hit songs, becoming a king of the music industry, and then he just got lost along the way.

His mother's passing seemed to pull him back to the ground from floating in the air and opened up all his senses towards life.

He started doing things that he would never have thought of before. For example, to make up for the regret of not being able to accompany his mother on a trip to Hawaii, he organized a program to take ordinary elderly people on a trip. He wanted to tell the stories of the elders and let them be seen. Kenji Wu, who once said that he only wanted to live until the age of 50, was gradually healed during the program. He also found that getting old is not that scary.

"The better a person understands death, the better they can live." He said.

He also began to strive to live each day as if it were the last day of his life. He kept shuttling between different cities, performing in 6 cities in 5 days, 8 cities in 7 days. On stage, he sang and danced with all his might and got along well with the young people in the audience. The average age of his team is post - 1995, and they are very in - tune with the Internet. A netizen from Ningxia mispronounced his name as "Kenji Qiong" because of inaccurate pronunciation, and he quickly wrote a song called Kenji Qiong in response to the online trend.

From "Kenji Wu" to "Kenji Qiong", he gently let go of the high - flying self.

Besides his intense performance schedule, Kenji Wu also likes to wander around. He goes to Tianjin to watch old men diving, goes to Zaozhuang to eat chicken, squats on the street to experience feeding fish with a baby bottle. His means of transportation includes shared bikes, electric scooters, and three - wheeled motorcycles. Once, he was caught by netizens for not wearing a helmet. He also helps a little boy with cancer sell flowers, helps a Northeast aunt who takes in stray animals organize pet adoptions, helps a Zhejiang teenager with cerebral palsy sell roasted sausages and popcorn, and randomly helps someone in need.

Recently, he is preparing a new program to help people whose lives may be coming to an end fulfill their bucket lists and say goodbye to their loved ones.

Right after his mother passed away, Kenji Wu often dreamed of his mother and always cried in his dreams. But recently, he doesn't dream of his mother as often. At the end of last year, he wrote a book, in which he made up for that missed half an hour.

In the book, his mother said to him: Hawaii is nice, but it's okay if we don't go. This is the last time, so let's have a good goodbye. I have no regrets in this life, and I hope you don't either.

Regarding death, regret, farewell, and getting old... Kenji Wu has begun to have more practical insights. Before a performance in Xiaoyi, Shanxi in early July, Kenji Wu had a chat with "Post - Wave Institute" about these common life issues of humanity.

The following is Kenji Wu's account, published after being sorted out:

Burning the candle at both ends

The year 2018 was a special year for me.

At that time, I was burning the candle at both ends. On one hand, I was shooting my first movie, and on the other hand, I went back to the hospital ward to accompany my mother. In the ward, I would read my script to my mother. She gradually lost consciousness, waking up less and sleeping more.

Later, her condition improved for a while, and I went back to filming. But just in the week when I was about to finish filming, when shooting the hospital scenes, my mother's condition suddenly deteriorated. It was very strange at that time, as if time and space overlapped, and the two parallel - time hospital wards were intertwined. The story I was filming was about my lover leaving, and unexpectedly, my mother's condition also worsened. It was said that in the end, my friend sang my song to her, and she smiled and said, "It's nice", and then fell asleep.

By the time I arrived, she had lost consciousness and couldn't talk to me. That was my greatest regret. I never knew what she wanted to say to me at the end. I was in a daze until my mother's memorial service was over. After my mother left, I often dreamed of her and would always cry in my dreams.

During those years, I was very confused about life. So I made an album called You Talk, I'm Listening. I started asking people who I thought had some insights into life, re - questioned my own life, and searched for answers.

Once I interviewed Tang Jia San Shao. At that time, he had just accompanied his wife through the last stage of her life. I asked him, "If you could, when would you like to go back to?" He said he wanted to go back to the day of his wedding. He would cry like a fool because his wife was very happy at that moment. He comforted me in return, saying that his wife wouldn't want me to go back to the day she passed away. Your mother only wants you to be happy.

At that moment, I had an epiphany. That journey gave me a lot. I think it was probably the last gift from my mother.

My mother was a very strong - willed woman. When I was a child, my mother raised me alone for a while, so she had to play both the roles of mother and father. When I was bullied as a child, she would say, "You have to fight back on your own." When I grew up, she told me that no one in this family could help me, and I had to rely on myself.

Young Kenji Wu and his mother

After becoming an artist, although I often contacted my mother, I didn't like going home because my mother always nagged. At that time, I was also very busy and only went home two or three times a year. Every time I just sent money home, always thinking that I had fulfilled my responsibility, and it also became my excuse for not going home. During the Chinese New Year, my parents always quarreled. New Year's Eve in our family was a quarreling night. Later, I came up with a solution. On the first day of the Lunar New Year, I would invite my friends over. At most, more than a dozen friends would stay at my home. My parents would greet them with smiles. I found that this method worked very well, and I did it for 5 consecutive years.

After my mother left, once my father and I were drinking red wine. After getting drunk, he told me about my mother's grievances and regrets. He said that my mother just wanted to sit next to me and have a chat, and she only wanted to tell me some of her innermost thoughts, but I never gave her that chance.

Moreover, at that time, she seemed to have a bit of bipolar disorder, but my understanding of this disease was very shallow at that time. I just thought my mother was so annoying. She would call again right after one call, and after I replied to her messages, she would send more. Ten consecutive messages were scolding me. At that time, I said, "Do you want to see a psychologist?" But she would think, "Do you think I'm crazy?" And she would get even angrier.

Later, she still saw a doctor and started taking medicine, and this situation gradually improved. A few years after my mother left, I met a relative who studied psychology. He told me that if a person with psychological problems is willing to see a doctor on their own, then half of the illness is already cured; if you force them, they will have a strong sense of frustration and it will be even more difficult.

It's too late to talk about these now. I even think that even if I could start over, I would still make some mistakes, but at least I would spend more time taking her out to have fun and rebuild our relationship.

Learning to Say Goodbye

After my mother passed away, my father found a bank card in her favorite coat. The card contained all the money I had sent her over the years, and she hadn't spent a single cent.

Five or six years before her passing, we had agreed to go to Hawaii together. But sometimes she suddenly didn't want to go, and sometimes I had time issues. Twice, we had even set the date to go, but then we had a fight a week before the trip, and she said she wouldn't go. Just like that, we never made it there. You always think there will be tomorrow, next week, next month, but when that time is gone, it's gone forever, and that opportunity is lost once it's gone.

After my mother left, I saw that many of her photos were taken at a photo studio. The photo studio photoshopped her into different places around the world. She was photoshopped at the Eiffel Tower and other places around the world, but I wasn't by her side. Now, I think if I had just been more decisive and said, 'Mom, it's okay, let's go next week,' all these problems could have been solved.

I started to realize that I wanted to do something, which was to take ordinary elderly people on a trip. A few years ago, I wanted to make a program like Friends. I believe that the stories of ordinary people are more precious than those of artists. Sometimes, people put artists on a pedestal, but I believe that ordinary people also have many wonderful stories, and they should be seen. So I want to tell the stories of the elders and help them fulfill their wishes.

When we finished recording the last episode of So Interesting, all the staff members were in tears. An aunt said during the program recording that she had lost her son and husband and was left all alone. We didn't know how to comfort her. At that time, all words seemed meaningless, and we couldn't truly empathize with her. But she still led us to see the great rivers and told us that we could still live on.

When I was a child, I only wanted to live until the age of 50. I thought so since middle school. Maybe it was just a crazy thought at that time. I never thought about what it would be like to get old. But since there will be more and more elderly people, at least we can do one thing, which is to let everyone know that getting old is not that scary.

Kenji Wu and his father

Recently, my grandfather passed away. I watched my aunt and others help him put on clothes and a hat and place copper coins. I used to think these rituals were a bit scary. When my aunt was helping my grandfather put on shoes, she couldn't help crying and said, "I never properly helped you put on shoes when you were alive. Why am I doing this now?" Suddenly, I had an epiphany. I thought it would be so nice if my grandfather could have heard these words from my aunt and others when he was alive. He would know that we always loved him.

At my grandfather's memorial service, my father and the others gave a speech saying, "On that day in primary school, my sister and I were at the beach. When the waves rushed over, you held us in your arms. I knew you would never let go of us." The sight of a 70 - year - old man telling a childlike story was the most beautiful. We all thought such a life was perfect.

My next program is also about helping many people whose lives may be coming to an end. We help them fulfill their bucket lists and say goodbye to their loved ones. We just designed a pre - death funeral for a girl with cancer. Her pre - death funeral was in the form of a wedding. Her mother originally didn't want to attend her daughter's pre - death funeral because of many taboos, but in the end, they achieved the most touching mutual understanding.

Understand "Death" to Live Better

It was only when my mother passed away that I realized that death is something that cannot be reversed. However, the better a person understands death, the better they can live. My mother's passing seemed to pull me back to the ground from floating in the air and opened up all my senses towards life.

Previously, my WeChat profile picture was a Western cowboy chasing a tornado. Before the age of 40, I had always been chasing the frameworks and goals that the world had set for me: Everyone had the same hairstyle, chased the same goals. Everyone wanted to be a king of the music industry. You needed to create a few hit songs, win awards on the podium several times, and you needed a certain number of views. But these were not my real goals at all. At that time, I never thought about it or understood it. I just felt like I had to chase, but I didn't know what I was chasing, and then I got lost along the way.

In the past, when performing in a city, I would just sing a few songs and leave. When promoting an album, you had to say the same thing 100 times. Sometimes, by the 10th